Becoming a Mama

I never knew how beautiful the Poconos were! I drove up to Budd Lake with my friend (just friends ma!!) Marc yesterday to visit our other friend Jonathan ("the good Jon"). We then went over to this place called Hot Dog Johnny's for lunch and then Marc mentioned outlets and me being the girl I am said, "outlets only thirty minute further? can we go?" and apparently we ended up in Pennsylvania at the outlets in the Poconos. Best outlets EVER. Wish I actually had money, but I still had fun just window shopping and getting an idea for my birthday outfit! It was nice just getting out of town for the day, or out of the state for that matter. Being able to say I was a complete state away from John was like a relief. I'm starting to notice how little I desire to be anywhere near him anymore, and just Monday for the first time ever, I told him not to come over. I wasn't busy, I didn't have other plans. I just plain wanted nothing to do with him. And if he's going to continuously blow off his son to sit home and drink and play video games, then I don't feel guilty telling him he can't come. He's giving up the privilege to have a relationship with his son, and the opportunity to be a man and take care of his responsibilities. I am sad for Kaiden, I am. And I truely hope John comes around one day, before its too late. Because one day IT WILL be too late. I don't think he realizes that.